You know its hot in Australia when

  1. The best parking stop is determined by shade,not distance
  2. Hot water comes out of both taps
  3. You learn that seat beat buckle makes a pretty good branding iron
  4. The temperature drops below 32 degrees C and you feel chilly
  5. You know that in January and February it only takes two fingers to steer a car
  6. You discover you can get sun burnt through your windscreen
  7. You develop a fear on metal door handles
  8. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7 am
  9. Your biggest bicycle accident fear is “What if i get knocked out and end up lying on the road,getting cooked?
  10. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state
  11. Farmers are feeding their chicken crushed ice to prevent them from laying hard boiled eggs
  12. The trees are whistling for dog
  13. While walking back barefoot to your car from any event,you do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park
  14. You catch a cold from having the aircon on full-blast all night long
  15. You realize that Westfield Shopping Center aren’t just Shopping centers they are temple where you worship Air Conditioning
  16. Sticking your head in the freezer and taking deep breaths is considered normal
  17. A cup full of ice is considered a great snack
  18. A blackout is life threatening because your aircon and your fan no longer work
  19. No one cares if you walk around with no shirt on
  20. You keep everything in the fridge ,including potatoes, bread and clothing
  21. People have enough left over beer cans to make a boat and compete in a regatta
  22. The effort of toweling yourself off after a shower means you need another shower right away
  23. You will wait patiently until the day it starts raining to go for a run
  24. You worry your ceiling fan is spinning so fast it will fly off and kill you
  25. You laugh because the list is accurate

Nudist Colony

Nudist Colony

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony…. 

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, ‘Did you call for me?’

The man replies, ‘No, what do you mean?’

She says, ‘You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.’

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts…..

Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, ‘Did you call for me?’ says the hairy man.

‘No, what do you mean?’ says the newcomer.

‘You must be new,’ says the hairy man, ‘it’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.’ The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, ‘May I help you?’ she says.

The man yells, ‘Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.’

‘But, Sir,’ she replies, ‘you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.’

The man replies, ‘Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!’